TBHND

TBHND
Well that's what I heard,,,

Friday, April 18, 2014

TNA Impact Wrestling

-LAST WEEK: Eric Young wins the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

-Hosts are Mike Tenay & Tazz

-The new champ opens the show with a victory speech. The TNA crowd even rips off a WWE crowd's chant. Young says he won the belt for himself, but will be a champion for the people. Young says things are going to change around here, and that he will defend the belt anywhere, anytime, and any way. Dixie comes out to claim credit for EY's title run, because she never fired him during his "Don't Fire Eric" phase, and says she somehow made it fashionable to wear beards on TV (while grabbing EY by his), and that everyone who does should pay her royalties. EY tries telling Dixie that she's not needed, but she responds that he will go with her where ever she takes TNA. They trade insults, and Dixie says she'll force a makeover on Young, and if he refuses, she'll start with ODB.

Young says he'll give Dixie one warning, and Bully Ray interrupts to run Dixie out, but first stops to put EY over as a role model for all the other wrestlers. Dixie scolds him for double-crossing her, and Bully responds by threatening to put her through a table. Dixie leaves, and Bully puts EY over some more, laying it on so thick I spend the whole time waiting for him to turn.

-Match 1: Velvet Sky (w/Angelina Love) VS Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne [Street Fight]

-Rayne surprises both of the BP by attacking from behind. She rolls Velvet into the ring, then gets caught coming in, allowing Velvet to take control. Rayne fires back, and Angelina pulls her BFF to the floor. Rayne tries to get them both, but it backfires, and Velvet goes to work with the COOKIE SHEET OF DEATH for two. Velvet throws Rayne to the floor, where Love adds some cheap shots before Velvet sends Rayne into the steps.

Back in, Rayne uses a trash can to turn the tide, and looks to finish, but Love interferes with a kendo stick shot to the back. Rayne takes care of her, and finishes with the WORST SPEAR EVER. Seriously, she barely grazed her with one hand.

* Mostly weapon shots before a badly-botched finish.

-EY thanks Bully for his kind words. Bully leaves to hit up a strip club, and the moment he leaves, Abyss enters to challenge EY to a title match. EY accepts, but makes it a Monster's Ball.

-EC3 & Spud have a talk. Spud cops to being afraid of Jeff Hardy, and EC3 talks him up.

-MVP congratulates EY, but he is still upset with Samoa Joe, both for calling out last week, and for not talking to him personally. Austin Aries enters, pissed that he hasn't been around since Lockdown. MVP reminds Aries that Aries screwed him over during the build to Lockdown. They get in each others faces and agree to a fight, but while MVP is ready to go now, Aries doesn't want to trade punches with a convicted felon, instead opting for a wrestling match...next week.

-A video on EY's title win features a voice over from him talking about how he was always seen as a comedy guy, and not a world title contender. Well, there's a reason for that.

-Match 2 for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The BroMans [c] (w/Zema Ion) VS The Wolves

-Eddie almost pins Robbie seconds in, then Davey almost gets a pin off an inverted atomic drop/chop combo. The Wolves send the champs outside, and follow with stereo suicide dives. The Wolves both go up top, but Jesse shakes the ropes, and they both get crotched. Robbie pounds away, then he & Jesse hit a double knee to the face. Davey fights out of a chinlock, but then walks into a gorilla press slam from Jesse, as Tazz forgets which is which. Davey plays FIP for a little bit longer, but heel miscommunication allows the hot tag, and Eddie cleans house.

Eddie chops the shit out of Jesse's chest, then does the same to Robbie. The Wolves hit the Alarm Clock on Jesse, then a pair of double stomps on Robbie look to have the titles won, but Zema clocks Eddie with Zema's lap top to draw a DQ and save the titles.

** Better than last week. Definitely leading to a no-DQ match at Sacrifice.

-Jeff Hardy cuts another awful promo as Willow.

-LAST WEEK: EY gets emotional after winning the belt.

-Match 3: Ethan Carter III & Rockstar Spud VS Jeff Hardy/Willow [Handicap Match]

-Spud is still terrified, but does manage to provide a distraction, which allows EC3 to get some jobber offense in. Jeff comes back with his signature offense, and hits a splash for two. EC3 fights off the Twist of Fate, then Spud trips Jeff as Jeff goes to the top. EC3 hits a snap suplex for two. Spud gets in and talks some shit, but immediately tags out when Jeff grabs his leg. Jeff fights out of a chinlock and gets a rollup, but Spud kicks him in the face to break it up.

EC3 gets a takedown for two, then holds Jeff for slaps from Spud. Jeff fights back, and hits the Twist of Fate on Spud for the pin.

*1/2 Not much to this one. I generally hate it when the one beats the two, since it almost always happens, and this was no exception.

-EC3 goes to take Jeff out, but Kurt Angle makes his return to ensure that doesn't happen. Before the moment has time to settle in, we immediately go to commercial.

-Back from break, Angle promises to literally kill EC3.

-Bobby Roode talks about his tables match open challenge.

-A pretty nice video profiles Sanada. He face Tigre Uno in a 3 match series for the X-Division title, which would mean more if they weren't 2/3 of the whole division right now.

-Kenny King is here to talk shit about MVP and bitch about not being used recently. He's joining the announce team for the next match.

-Match 4-Match 2 of the Best-of-3 Series for the X-Division Championship: Sanada [c] VS Tigre Uno

-This isn't even announced as being part of the series by Christy Hemme. Sanada leads 1-0, so the finish probably won't be a big surprise. They feel each other out and hane a standoff after they both miss dropkicks. Sanada scores with a dropkick, but runs into a leg sweep. Sanada avoids (?) a slingshot dive, and hits a chop to the head. Uno counters a powerbomb into a rana ---> rollup for two, but Sanada comes back with a TKO for two.

Uno avoids a moonsault, and hits a sloppy capture suplex, but finishing with a twisting splash.

*3/4 So this is what the X-Division has been the last few years. A pretty steep decline from it's zenith. Way too much sloppiness for what was supposed to be a showcase match.

-Bully Ray tells someone to put Bobby Roode through a table.

-Match 5: Bobby Roode VS Gunner [Tables Match]

-Roode stomps Gunner down to start, but Gunner quickly comes back with punch-kick offense. Roode turns the tide via a neckbreaker, and gets a table from underneath the ring. Gunner cuts him off, then hits a running clothesline on the ramp. Gunner sends Roode into the steps, but Roode blocks a suplex attempt, and hits a dropkick. Gunner blocks a running powerslam, but Roode hits a blockbuster anyway in short order. Roode goes for a powerbomb through a table, but stops to mock Bully, and Gunner backdrops out of it.

Gunner hits a high knee, but stops to move the table, allowing Roode to catch him with a spinebuster. They block each others finishers, then Gunner hits a slingshot suplex. Gunner gets Roode on a tabel, but stops to bash his head on the turnbuckle. James Storm distracts Gunner, allowing Roode to slam Gunner onto the table, which partially breaks, but Gunner does not go through it, so Roode finishes with a DVD seconds later.

** This was alright, I guess. "Mr. Intensity" Gunner does not project that intensity at all through the TV screen.

-A few people share their thoughts on EY being the champ. Jeff proves he's nuts by declaring Young the best champ TNA has ever seen.

-EY knows he's nuts, but he's the champ.

-Bully tells Gunner to stop sulking about his loss, and proposes the two of them facing Beer Money next week.

-Match 6 for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Eric Young [c] VS Abyss [Monster's Ball]

-For those that don't know, Monster's Ball is basically name #243 for a hardcore match. Young immediately attacks with the COOKIE SHEET OF DEATH and a garbage can before hitting some corner punches. Abyss counters a whip, and flings Young to the outside. Abyss then counters a suicide dive with a garbage can to the head as we go to break.

Back from break, Abyss wedges a chair in the corner, and surprisingly actually manages to slingshot Young into it. Usually that backfires. Abyss spills some tacks into the ring, but then walks into a cheese grater to the nuts. Young hits a flying forearm and goes for a piledriver onto the tacks, but Abyss is too big, and he backdrops out of it.

Abyss grabs Janice (a spiked board) from underneath the ring, but EY naturally avoids it, and kicks Abyss in the nuts. EY grabs Janice, but walks into a chokeslam on the tacks for two. Abyss takes forever to get a barbed wire board from under the ring, but EY bites Abyss' hand to block a chokeslam, and dropkicks Abyss onto it before finishing with a top rope elbow.

**1/4 This was alright I guess, but it was all about weapons usage, without any kind of intensity that their relationship would require, so we get a fairly bland hardcore match that could have happened between any two guys that have no history at all.

-FINAL THOUGHTS: Well, they're going all-in with EY (for now), but with only one show between now and the PPV, they really only have one option for the main event on that show, and I still don't see EY leaving Sacrifice the champion. There was nothing too bad on this show (save Hardy's promo), but nothing really worth watching either. It's a milquetoast product with flat presentation, and it's been the case for a long time now.

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