Newb Views the 80s #3: Friday the 13th 3 (1982)

a.k.a. "Saturday the 14th"

Directed by Steve Miner

*Full disclosure: I'm not sure what I did with my glasses, so I watched the 2D version.*

Even though Part 2 did well, the massive influx of Friday clones meant that if the series were to have any kind of life moving forward, it would have to find a way to stand out. Enter the big idea: the return of 3D. Paramount would take another gamble with the Friday franchise, this time by bringing back the 3D gimmick, and actually paying money to utilize a never-before-used method of creating the 3D illusion, which also meant spending the money to install projectors in every theatre the film played in to make them capable of playing the movie. Paramount truly believed that this movie would bring about a new 3D revolution with their studio at the forefront. It...did not work out that way. Not because of anything involving the movie itself, since the Friday name and the 3D gimmick were enough to ensure profitability despite the increased cost, but because several lawsuits which were filed in the wake of Paramount attempting to force everyone to use their process and projectors if they wanted some of that sweet three-dimensional cash.

As for the movie itself, it's mostly a bunch of stuff that happens with little connection, rhyme, reason, and of course no continuity with the previous movies, as the geography of Crystal Lake and the surrounding area changes again, this time to accommodate Higgins' Haven, a retreat that is who knows how far from the scenes from the first two movies, and sans any kind of police presence, given that Jason is still on the loose after his rampage in part 2 and the killing of the couple in the opening of this one. There's even a replacement for Crazy Ralph the prophet of doom, clutching an eyeball he apparently lifted off one of Jason's victims. 

Example of the lack of continuity: Chris finds Shelley (who somehow has a ton of stuff packed into a tiny little box) hiding in the back of the van. She asks him why he's not swimming with everyone else. The very next scene she is showing the decidedly not-swimming Debbie & Andy their room. A couple scenes later, Shelley fakes his death and everyone there crowds around, with no one showing signs of having been anywhere near water. 

Speaking of Shelley, I fucking hate that guy. He's an annoying little asshole and his constant moping and general personality ruin any scene that he's in. Fuck him.

The bulk of the movie is pure Friday formula, with a group of people I don't think would ever really hang out with each other, the world's least intimidating motorcycle gang, and objects being unnaturally pointed at the camera to show off the 3D. It's easily the worst of the lot so far, with the only positives being very basic "set something up and pay it off later" moments, namely the gang siphoning the gas from the group's van, which keeps Chris from escaping later. I did also like Ali's brave fight against Jason in the final stretch, even if by all rights he should be dead, and excited, mask-less Jason is easily one of the scariest moments in the entire series.

Jason Voorhees, or Kurt Angle after a cage match?

On the flip side, the idea, and execution of Chris' past history with Jason is terrible on all levels. What we know about Jason doesn't jive with this piece of exposition, them having no idea how to logically end the story other than "I passed out and woke up later in my own bed" is equal to "they never found the body" as weakest horror plot cliches, and to top it all of, Dana Kimmel's telling of (and Paul Kratka's reactions to) the story are so stilted and awkward, it makes sure the only thing the scenes are good for is great MST3K-style riff material. If the movie had any kind of momentum, this whole deal would have killed it dead. Since it  doesn't, those scenes just make it worse.

There is really only one creative kill in the whole movie, that being the eyeball pop. The false scares are of the laziest variety as well. In one scene Chuck & Chili try to scare what they think is Shelley, but he's not there, and we see Jason watching them as they leave. The very next scene is a false scare with Shelley messing with Vera as she sits on a dock. Harry Manfredini even pulls out the OH SHIT SOMETHING BAD IS GOING DOWN strings, which makes the scene much worse considering we know from the very beginning that it can't be Jason. Watching this movie closely is really opening my eyes to just how terrible it is, and I'm not even getting into the racism in the scene in the store where the bitchy clerk assumes Vera only has food stamps, which the store does not accept...and she turns out to be right, as Vera has to turn and ask Shelley for money. *sigh*

This movie also has moments where it gets ridiculously lazy, relying on self-reference rather than adding anything new, namely Deb's death being a carbon copy of Kevin Bacon's, and the ending, which is a dream sequence featuring a Voorhees family member popping out of the water.

I don't know if it's me getting older and my tastes/expectations changing, me paying more attention, or both, but I used to like this movie, but watching it for this project and now I see for the first time that it blows. HARD.

3/4* For years I used to hand waive people bad mouthing these movies as people either not liking the genre or simply repeating what they had heard or read from others, but now I'm starting to believe that I was wrong the whole time. So very wrong.