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Well that's what I heard,,,

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Newb Views the 80s #8: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

a.k.a. "Jason Takes a Cruise Ship"

Directed By: Rob Hedden

Picked after directing an episode of Friday the 13th: The Series, Hedden had only one question "can I get Jason away from the lake?". After being told he could, the decision was made to put him in a big city. Naturally, since only two cities exist in Hollywood's mind (unless the person making the movie wants it set in their hometown), the obvious choice was made: New York. Only problem was, Paramount didn't want to spend the money to actually film in NYC. So what we actually got was Jason attacking the cruise ship, followed by him (mostly) chasing the few remaining survivors through Vancouver.

There's the usually logic/continuity flaws. Somehow Crystal Lake flows into the ocean. Hedden tries adding more overtly supernatural elements to the series, and...it doesn't work, especially once we get to the spectacularly awful ending.

So after a character provides yet another run through the back story under the guise of playing a prank on his girlfriend, Jason is revived by both the power of electricity AND the two kids getting ready to bone, so you know he's super powerful this time. Fortunately the ill-fated Jim has one of the old style hockey masks with him for no particular reason, allowing Jason to keep his favorite look while going on his quasi-annual murderous rampage, because what's the point if you can't do it in style?

There's a secondary villain, that being the principal of Crystal Lake High School and coincidentally the uncle of the "last girl" Renny, played quite awesomely by Peter Mark Richman. There's a variety of archetypes, including a couple new ones in the rocker girl and her friend, director stand-in Wayne. The only one of the side characters that really stands out is boxer Julius, played by the charismatic V.C. Dupree. He, not coincidentally, is the one that gets the most memorable death.

There's tension on the boat because Renny is afraid of water after her evil uncle chucked her into the lake in an attempt to teach her to swim, and she somehow was attacked by young Jason, who was chilling at the bottom of the lake even though by this point in the timeline Jason would have been full-grown and killing folks. Her English teacher brings her along on the senior trip against the principal's wishes. There's also the "bad girl" who uses Wayne to try to frame the principal in order to achieve...something. Shawn is the son of the captain, and he gets mad when his dad tries to let him captain the ship, only for him to promptly fuck it up and storm away when his dad corrects him. Renny stumbles upon the bad girl & Kelly Hu doing coke, and they assume she narked when they get in trouble. Like usual, none of this actually leads to anything once Jason wipes everyone out, including a literal boatload of extras who simply vanish without a trace. Later on it storms (of course) and then the mentally deficient zombie Jason has the presence of mind to disconnect everything that could help the people on the boat contact anyone else for help. Why he would give a shit if more people came is another matter.

The kills are again mostly sanitized by MPAA interference, but better deaths wouldn't save this one. There is one effective moment while on the ship, however, that being Shawn finding his dad moments after his death and having to take control of the ship. 

So finally, an hour into a 90 minute movie, the four people with the most screen time (plus Julius and the dog) flee the ship and miraculously make it to New York. It's established that they spend a whole day on a row boat to get there, then once they do...Jason casually emerges from the water right after them, breathing like Darth Vader, although he's supposed to be dead. 

Because our heroes are in a 1980's stereotype of New York, they are promptly mugged and Renny is kidnapped by Hispanic thugs. Just as she is drugged and about to be raped JASON SAVES THE DAY and Renny is able to escape. 

The other survivors split up, leading to THE FIGHT...

...and it's predictable but still awesome conclusion.

Everyone left meet back up, and they manage to find a cop (in NEW YORK? HOW?) with a hilariously thick Canadian accent. For some reason Jason has stashed Julius' head in the front seat (without anyone noticing), and after he kills the poor cop, the drugged-out Renny tries to run over a vision of young Jason with the cop car, only succeeding in hitting a wall, blowing up the car, and killing her favorite teacher. At least she had a reason for seeing Jason this time.

For some reason Jason is REALLY intent on killing these kids, completely ignoring all the other plentiful opportunities. After a near-death via railroad track frying that we're supposed to buy despite him being revived by electricity in the beginning of this movie, he has a clear shot at a small group of teenage wannabe gangsters, and opts to show them his face instead of caving theirs in. FUCK. THIS MOVIE.
Finally he chases Renny & Shawn into the sewers, for perhaps the most ridiculous Friday plot point yet. A worker explains that the sewers are flooded with toxic waste  every night at midnight. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It's like Hedden wrote down the ending he wanted, came up with the worst possible explanation he could come up with, then shrugged his shoulders and thought "if they realize how dumb this idea is, we've lost them already", which he has gone on record as explaining his rationale behind letting the plot hole of how Crystal Lake connects to the ocean get swept under the rug.

Renny throws some waste as Jason, WHO SCREAMS IN AGONY as his mask melts and he's revealed to have a terrible makeup job underneath. Maybe he was screaming in embarrassment.

I...have nothing snarky to add.

Then the promised toxic waste comes. For some reason we hear young Jason's voice calling for his mommy, then he is reverted back to his younger self. UGH

Renny & Shawn escape, then Hedden stupidly adds a false scare on top of it, with an inexplicable facial expression from Renny, considering that she's looking at her dog. Then FINALLY THIS ONE IS OVER.

1/4* I can appreciated Rob Hedden trying something different, and the idea of bringing everything full circle, but pretty much every decision he made was the wrong one. He shrugged off plot holes like they were nothing and with the ending chose his symbolism and stuck with it, no matter what insane reasoning he had to come up for it. The "story" for this one is like terrible fan fiction written by a pretentious student who doesn't actually like Friday the 13th but had it assigned to him for a project. Of all of the Paramount Fridays, this is the one best suited for some fine MST3K-style riffing.

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