Raw 4/21/14

-LAST WEEK: The Shield take a rigtheous 14-on-3 ass kicking. They will face Evolution at Extreme Rules.

-From Baltimore, MD

-Hosts are Cole, King, & JBL

-An emotional (after learning of his father's passing) Daniel Bryan kicks off the show, with his new bride already in the ring. They lead a YES chant, but before anything else can happen, Stephanie McMahon interrupts.

Stephanie insincerely congratulates the happy couple on their wedding, and gives Bryan his wedding gift from WWE: a title defense against Kane at Extreme Rules. I'm not looking forward to that at all. Stephanie warns Bryan that Kane "in demon form" is uncontrollable, and that he better get his "pretty little wife" out of harm's way. Kane's pyro goes off and his music hits, but he's nowhere to be found until Bryan & Brie get out of the ring, and Kane comes over the barricade to attack Bryan. Bryan fights off a chokeslam attempt and the two brawl on the floor while Stephanie yells for Brie to get out of dodge. Kane sends Bryan into the barricade, then gives him a well-protected tombstone on the floor as Stephanie repeatedly tells Kane "that's enough". As the crowd chants "NO" Kane delivers a second tombstone on the steps as Stephanie calls for help. The crowd chants for Bryan as he's checked out, then put on a stretcher. Kane pulls him off, and tombstones Bryan again, this time on the announce table, which for once doesn't break at the slightest provocation. Stephanie calls Kane a "bastard", which draws "OHHHHHHH"s from the crowd. This was a pretty good segment, even thought it's wasted on a throwaway title challenge from Kane.

-After a break, Bryan is stretchered away. Stephenie hangs on to both title belts and sarcastically asks for applause from the crowd. The crew recap the beatdown, then switch to talking about the IC tournament.

-Bad News Barrett has some bad news: no lucky charms can help Sheamus tonight. Barrett's catchphrases are getting over, which is a good sign.

-Match 1-Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender's Tournament Semi-Final: Wade Barrett VS Sheamus

-They slug it out, then Sheamus takes control as the crowd chants for Barrett. Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll and goes up top, but gets caught by Barrett. Sheamus fights off a superplex (ugh), then catches Barrett rushing in with a big boot to send Barrett to the floor, before hitting a plancha to the outside (!). Sheamus has his working shoes on tonight I see. Barrett fights off the Irish Hand Granade, and knocks Sheamus to the floor with a big boot of his own as we go to break.

Back from break, Sheamus scores with a poweslam, followed by a couple Irish Hammers, a high knee, the running somethingorother in the corner, and finally the Irish Hand Granade and a flying shoulderblock for two. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for two, but Barrett avoids the Brogue Kick, and hits the Winds of Change for two. Barrett calls for the Bull Hammer, but Sheamus dodges, and hits White Noise (stopping to yell "boom!") for two, as the announce team claim that move usually gets a pin. Well that's just not true.

They trade boo (Sheamus) --- yay (Barrett) punches, then Sheamus dives at Barrett, sending them both out over the top as the crowd chants "This is Awesome!". Sheamus goes for a suicide dive, but Barrett counters with the Bull Hammer to pick up the win.

**1/2 Although this was pretty hard-fought, I didn't love it as much as Barrett VS Ziggler or as much as the crowd did, because they didn't have much to offer outside breaking out all of their signature moves. Surprised to see Sheamus drop another clean fall here.

-Evolution are here.

-BOLIEVE

-SEPTEMBER 2011: Hugh Jackman punches Dolph Ziggler, allowing Zack Ryder to actually win a match. Ziggler wants to bury the hatchet with Jackman when Jackman is on Raw next week. Damien Sandow thinks that's amusing.

-PICK HOW BAD YOU WANT TO SEE CENA DIE: You can pick Cena VS Harper, Cena VS Harper & Rowan, or Cena VS Harper, Rowan, & Bray.

-Speak of the devil, here come the Wyatts. Bray talks about remembering the first time he was struck with "truth". It was intense, but he liked it. Bray says free will is an illusion, and when that illusion is lifted, we will see the truth, but tonight is a great night for change, and that no matter the choice, Cena will see that the Family stands against him, and that the fans don't love him anymore. Bray gloats about taking more and more fans with him every time they cross paths, before leading the crowd in a sing-a-long. Great promo, with Harper & Rowan standing behind him in separate creepy-looking spotlights adding a sweet visual.

-Match 2: Los Matadores & El Torito VS 2 1/2 MB (w/Heath Slater)

-The little guys start it off and exchange slaps, then Torito hits a rana, followed by a flying headbutt. Torito hits a Bronco Buster followed by a moonsault, but Mahal saves, tossing Torito halfway across the ring. It ends up Torito VS McIntyre. Torito gores Slater in the nuts, then kicks Slater in the nuts, before Los Matadores hit their finisher on McIntyre with Torito adding a sit-down splash, and Torito pins McIntyre. Remember when Drew was the "Chosen One"?

-NO RATING At least it was short.

-Evolution arrive via limo. It's a good thing, because they're out next.

-I must say, I like the new Evolution entrance video. I think  HHH has already come out to that music as many times during this reunion than he did during their original run.

HHH has some vocal issues tonight, but he compares what happened last week to someone saying that they are the baddest dudes ever, just for their daddies to come along and spank them in front of the world. Over to Orton, who says it only took one "careless" act to bring about the reformation of the group, and a video of them during the original run plays. Nice way to show the younger viewers exactly why Evolution should be feared. After the video, Batista mentions the 31 world titles between the three of them, and says The Shield have no idea what they've gotten themselves into. This brings out The Shield, and Evolution bail.

Ambrose asks HHH if they look humbled, then notes that there was a reason why HHH hired them to protect both HHH & Orton. Over to Rollins, who points out that all three guys will, when push comes to shove, look out for themselves. Rollins says they know what they're getting into because they're the ones that started this. Last up is Reigns, who gives Evolution the option of trying to fight tonight, or running away and hiding. HHH instead calls in option 3: all the guys that helped beat The Shield down last week coming out and protecting Evolution.

-EARLIER TONIGHT: Kane killed Bryan.

-It's party time, all the time! Don't be a lemon, be a rosebud!

-Rybaxel are at ringside.

-ON TOTAL DIVAS: Jimmy marries Naomi.

-Match 3: WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos VS The Brotherhood

-Guess the Usos are done with getting their asses handed to them by Batista & Orton every week. Goldust hits Jey with an inverted atomic drop, but Jey hits a couple armdrags. Jey & Goldust have a face-off, then Goldust gets a couple shots in before tagging in Cody, who slaps on a hammerlock. The Usos hit a double team hot shot, and the ref allows them to switch, and Jimmy gets two. Ryback tells a story about his dad being a bartender and serving Curt Hennig & "Razor Ramon" during their AWA days. Goldust gets back in and works Jimmy's arm as Ryback is AMAZED that Goldust can still go despite being so old. Jimmy superkicks Goldust, then Jay breaks up a Cross Rhodes attempt with another superkick for the pin.

* Not much to this one.

-Cody finally walks away from Goldust to at least start the split of this going nowhere team. Rybaxel beat the shit out of the Usos to establish them as the next challengers. This did what it needed to do on both fronts.

-Watch clay Mark Henry work at a carnival!

-Match 4: Layla (w/Fandango) VS Emma (w/Santino Marella)

-It's the feud that JUST WON'T DIE. Fandango knocks Santino off the apron, allowing Layla to get the sneak attack on Emma. Layla gets a surfboard, and Emma fights out before whiffing on an intentionally-bad dropkick. Layla talks some shit, then runs into a flying clothesline. Santino drops Fandango with the Cobra, then Emma pulls one of her socks off to reveal a female Cobra, which she uses to finish Layla.

1/2* OK, can we move on now, please?

-Santino & Emma have a "cobra" fight. Their act is cute, as long as they stay away from the more contrived stuff like that.

-Rene Young interviews John Cena, who talks about the WWE Universe having his fate in their hands, which leads to a dueling "Let's Go Cena!/Cena Sucks!" chant. Cena tells Wyatt never to count him out.

-CESARO HAS NEW MUSIC! AND IT'S TERRIBLE!

-Heyman's pre-match promo gets cut off by the commercial break.

-Back from break, Heyman is reminding the crowd what Brock Lesnar did at WrestleMania XXX.

-Match 5-Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender's Tournament Semi-Final: Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman) VS RVD

-They feel each other out, then have an awkward moment leading to RVD escaping a suplex and hitting a heel kick. Cesaro fires back with a backbreaker for two. RVD comes back again and hits a monkeyflip, but stops to point his thumbs, allowing Cesaro to hit a kick to the face, which the director misses. Cesaro hits a suplex for two, but RVD comes back with another kick. RVD blocks having his shoulder rammed into the post, but Cesaro then dropkicks RVD in the ass, and RVD cracks his shoulder as we go to break.

Back from break, Cesaro has a headlock and the crowd is DEAD. RVD fucks up a sunset flip, and Cesaro double stomps his chest anyway for two, before hitting a deadlift gutwrench suplex for another near-fall. The crowd revives long enough to call for Cesaro Swing, as Cesaro hits an uppercut, then a few moments later a forearm drop for two before going back to the headlock.

RVD fights out and kicks Cesaro in the face again, before slugging away. Yet another kick to the face leads to Rolling Thunder for two. RVD hits still another kick to the face, this time from the top, before going for the Five Star Frog Splash. Cesaro springs to life, and nearly kills RVD with an uppercut. Still yet another kick to the face by RVD leads right into a split-legged moonsault for two. Cesaro counters a kick with another uppercut, and gets two off that. They trade punches, and RVD gets a legscissors roll-up for two. Cesaro comes back with a botched Tiger Driver for two, then as Cesaro goes for the Swing, he falls victim to the most devestating move in WWE: the musical distraction. RVD kicks Cesaro to the floor.

Swagger tries to distract Cesaro, who catches a flying RVD with an uppercut anyway. As Heyman & Zeb argue, Swagger rams Cesaro into the post, and Cesaro gets counted out.

*1/4 Eh, it had its moments, but also a lot of sloppiness. RVD is completely useless at this point.

-RVD leaves, then Swagger attacks Cesaro. Cesaro backdrops Swagger to the floor, then almost gets Coulter in the Swing before Swagger saves. Cesaro then gets Swagger in the swing to prove his superiority.

-EARLIER TONIGHT: Kane killed Bryan.

-THIS JUST IN: Bryan has "only" suffered a stinger.

-LATER TONIGHT: How bad do you want John Cena to die?

-Rene Young tries to interview RVD, but Cesaro & Heyman interrupt to knock RVD for the way he won. RVD responds by warning Cesaro to get away from Heyman.

-Match 6: Aksana VS Divas Champion Paige

-Instead of taking a beatdown to start, Paige goes right on the offensive, and gets a rollup for two. Paige follows up with several knees to the ribs, but Aksana suckers Paige in by backing off. Aksana puts Paige up top, and after a shoving match, throws her off. Aksana hits a slam and some knees of her own, before using the ropes to choke Paige. Aksana slaps Paige and gets a one count before hitting the chinlock. Aksana hits some elbows to the collarbone, then a backbreaker. Paige fires back, hitting a couple short-arm clotheslines, but Aksana comes back with a sloppy spinebuster for two as the crowd gets restless.

Paige counters another spinebuster into a guillotine choke, then knees Aksana right on the nose when she breaks it, before getting the Scorpion Crosslock for the submission.

* Not as good as their match on Smackdown. I've already said my piece about how I feel about Paige's match formula.

-ON SMACKDOWN: Cesaro VS Swagger

-LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Rusev squashes R-Truth, then takes care of Xavier Woods too.

-Match 7: Alexander Rusev (w/Lana) VS Sin Cara

-Rusev will face Truth & Woods in a handicap match at Extreme Rules. Sin Cara does a lot better than last time, actually getting some offense in that is mostly no-sold until he hits an enziguiri, followed by a missile dropkick. Rusev comes back with a big clothesline, front slam, and camel clutch for the submission.

*1/4 Not a bad match at all, but it's not a good sign when the crowd gets bored enough to chant "JBL" a minute in.

-BOLIEVE

-Match 8: John Cena VS The Wyatt Family

-Cena sells the reveal with an appropriate amount of despair. All three immediately mug Cena before the bell even rings, putting him at a disadvantage to start. Harper starts the match legally, and mauls Cena while taking him into the Wyatts' corner. There's dueling chants again as Rowan gets in and hits a slam. Cena fires back, but gets caught in mid-air and tossed with a fallaway slam. Tag to Bray, who leads Cena in a dance before slugging him down and tagging Harper. Cena comes back with a Stinger Splash, but runs right into an elbow from Harper.

Harper hits a couple uppercuts, but Cena ducks a third and hits a German suplex. Harper tags Rowan, who keeps the advantage before hitting a backbreaker for two and tagging in Bray. Bray stops short of kicking Cena's head in before tagging in Harper. Cena promptly gets Harper in the STF, but Rowan saves. Harper throws Cena outside. Cena goes after Rowan, and is sent into the steps by Harper for his troubles and we go to break.

Back from break, a Cena rally is cut short when Harper ducks a flying shoulderblock, and Cena falls outside. Back in, Cena slugs Harper down from the second rope, and hits a tornado DDT. Harper immediately tags Bray, who plants Cena with a HUGE urinage for two. Bray beats Cena down, then it's off to Rowan for the DOUBLE NOOGIE OF MILD DISCOMFORT as Bray talks some shit.

Bray gets back in, and absorbs a Cena comeback attempt before squashing him in the corner and spider walking. Bray charges right into a huge clothesline from Cena. Cena takes care of Harper and Rowan, then hits Blue Thunder on Bray. Cena low bridges Harper, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Bray, followed by the AA. That gets two with Harper & Rowan, then the ref just calls for the bell once the heel beatdown starts. What kind of bullshit is that? He didn't even give them a five count first.

** This was just kinda there the whole time. Not the best outing from these guys.

-Bray lays Cena out with Sister Abigail, then cradles Cena's head while he sings to close the show.

-FINAL THOUGHTS: I liked the angles on this show, but not the in-ring aspect at all. Usually Raw has been good for at least one really strong match, but it wasn't in the cards for this week.