Raw 4/28/14

-LAST WEEK: John Cena, thanks to a fan vote, gets stuck facing all three Wyatt Family members. He still manages to have the match won, because Cena, before getting put down.

-From St. Louis, MO

-Hosts are Cole, King, & JBL

-A steel cage is lowered and Cena comes out to start the show. ALSO TONIGHT: Stephanie apologizes to Daniel Bryan, and Roman Reigns VS Randy Orton.

-Cena asks what he did to deserve last week. The crowd: "You Suck!". Well that explains it. Cena flashes back to when he was drafted to Raw from Smackdown in 2005, and the ovation he got. He comes to the conclusion that everyone has changed. Or it could be that the company decided to strip everything that men over the age of 13 liked about you, and stuck you in a terrible Austin/McMahon re-hash. Cena knows that he can't do this forever, and actually agrees with the cheers that generates, because he sees the bright future of the WWE. Cena lists a bunch of babyfaces (and Cesaro) from both the main roster and NXT, then says Bray Wyatt is different because he is all about himself, and not the WWE. Cena says it's important that the match Sunday is in a cage, because it will keep Rowan & Harper out (yeah right) and Wyatt's message in, because if Wyatt escapes and wins, he message gets out. Cena says soon it will be Wyatt VS The World, and the world doesn't stand a chance.

That leads to a Wyatt interruption, and a choir singing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands". Bray joins in, and gets them to both change the lyrics at his whim, then surround the ring before throwing on sheep masks. Cena is NOT happy, but some members of the WWE Universe with higher-pitched voices try to help out by chanting his name. Wyatt laughs his ass off to end the segment. Awesome way to open the show, but this had better be leading to something come Sunday. I've expected a Wyatt win then since their feud started, but that doesn't seem like it would be enough now.

-Match 1 for the WWE Tag Team championship: The Usos [c] VS Rybaxel

-Surprised this isn't on the PPV *ahem* WWE Special. Big match intros too. Can't remember that last time non-world title matches got that. Jimmy & Axel start, and they trade chops before Jimmyy hits a cross-body for two. Ryback gets in (to "Goldberg" chants) and hits a splash, but allows a tag, then takes a double superkick. The Usos also send Axel outside before hitting stereo dives. One of the Usos has injured his ankle as we go to break.

Back from break, Axel has Jimmy (now I know which is which) in a headlock. Jimmy fights out, but takes a knee to the head for two. Ryback gets in and after a series of two counts, sets Jimmy up top, then tags in Axel. Jimmy fights off a double team superplex (at least that's moderately different), and dumps both Ryback & Axel. Jimmy makes the tag, and Jey hits a cross-body off the top for two. Jey slugs away on Axel in the corner, then catches Ryback with a superkick. Jey hits the ATM on Axel for two, Ryback makes a bling tag, then Axel hits an awkward teardrop suplex, and Ryback follows up with a spinebuster for two. Ryback goes for the Meathook Clothesline, but Jey counters with a superkick to the chest for two. Ryback gets the clothesline, then goes for Shellshocked, but Jey counters into a sunset flip for two. Axel gets in, but Jimmy makes a blind tag, which Axel doesn't see. Axel hits Jey with a PerfectPlex, but leaves himself wide open for a big splash from Jimmy for the pin.

***1/2 Really good match. Added a little bit to the rating since I can't tell for sure if Jey is legit hurt, or just selling really well.

-The crew announce that Extreme Rules will not be available on DirecTV or Dish Network, so there's the first casualty of the WWE Network.

-LATER TONIGHT: Reigns VS Orton.

-A pretty nice hype video for Bryan/Kane airs, and it's officially an Extreme Rules Match.

-ADAM ROSE is here next week.

-Cesaro & Heyman have a pow wow, and Heyman is AGHAST that RVD would speak out against him. Heyman then says RVD is actually right in what he said last week, but he does take his clients to the top. That's all Cesaro needed to hear.

-LAST WEEK: Kane killed Bryan.

-KANE'S MASK IS HERE!

-Sheamus comes out for a match, but Titus O'Neill jumps him from behind. The crew talk about there being a "new" Titus as O'Neill kicks Sheamus' ass.

-Match 2: Sheamus VS Titus O'Neill

-Sheamus gives the OK, so the ref rings the bell. Titus goes to work in the corner, but gets pulled back by the ref, and eats a Brogue Kick for the pin. WTF was the point of THAT?

NO RATING I was getting ready to write something along the lines of "It's nice to see WWE finally doing something with Titus" when the Brogue Kick happened. The crew put over the "new" Titus. You mean a guy who jumps his opponent from behind, then loses after taking one move? Real winner there.

-Hugh Jackman is next.

-Kofi Kingston explains how to sign up for WWE Network. It's the most relevant thing he's done in months.

-BOLIEVE

-Dolph Ziggler comes out to play hype man for Hugh Jackman and pimp the new X-Men movie.  Ziggler & Jackman bury the hatchet, with Ziggler mentioning the kick to the head he took from Swagger last year. Damien Sandow comes out dressed as Magneto, in a completely out-of-character moment for him. The crowd chants for Jackman to knock Sandow out (which Sandow interprets as the crowd chanting for him in a nice touch). Sandow tries to use the power of Magnetism, and Jackman sells it (as the crowd looks on silence) before revealing that he's just screwing with Sandow. Jackman hits a hiptoss, and Ziggler adds a Zig Zag to end the segment. That would have been awesome had it been anyone but Sandow (who did as well as he could have) in that suit.

-A video recaps the build to Shield/Evolution.

-ON SMACKDOWN: Zeb Coulter & Paul Heyman have a debate.

-Heyman does some tremendous trolling of the crowd before Cesaro makes his entrance.

-Match 3: Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Coulter) VS Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman)

-Swagger gets an immediate takedown, but Cesaro counters into not one, but two deadlift gutwrench suplexes. The crowd completely undersells how awesome that was. Swagger rolls outside, but Cesaro follows with an axe handle from the top. Swagger manages to send Cesaro into the guardrail, and once they get back in, Swagger sends Cesaro into the post before adding a short-arm clothesline for two. The crowd is DEAD AS DEAD CAN BE right now. Cesaro counters a backdrop with an uppercut to a minor reaction, but he then runs into a big boot for two. Zeb interferes and TWIRLS the mustache, and Heyman goes after him which wakes the crowd from their coma. Cesaro gets a German Suplex off the distraction to get the win.

* Geez, how can two guys have a match like the Smackdown match, then have this one?

-Parts of the opening segment are shown for anyone who missed it.

-Cena has no comment for Rene Young.

-KANE'S MASK IS STILL HERE!

-Match 4: Alberto Del Rio VS Cody Rhodes (w/Goldust)

-Cody gets a jobber intro. ADR gets no intro. Boy how the mighty have fallen. ADR gets the early jump, then Cody fires back, then ADR regains control and hits a suplex for two. Cody hits a slam (looking like he's struggling to do so), but gets caught with a cheap shot in the corner. ADR hits a belly-to-back suplex for two, then slaps on a chinlock. Cody fights out and hits a dropkick, but he then runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. ADR gets another chinlock, Cody gets out, but jumps into a punch to the gut, a superkick, and the cross-armbreaker to finish.

*1/2 This wasn't bad, but the crowd is deader than both of their pushes. I don't mind matches for matches sake (in fact, I wish there were more of them), but WWE crowds have been conditioned to think that they mean less than nothing.

-Cody pushes Goldust away, as they continue to drag this out. They definitely should have turned Cody right after the tag title loss, when it would have meant something. Now they have been jobbed out so much as a team and as singles, that the crowds don't care about them.

-Cesaro & Heyman have another conference backstage.

-Match 5: Alexander Rusev (w/Lana) VS Xavier Woods (w/R-Truth)

-Woods tries to get out of the box quickly, but Rusev squashes that, and him, in about 30 seconds. Rusev looks to finish, but Truth rushes in to cause a DQ.

-NO RATING Just there to set up the PPV handicap match that will get the same non-reaction this got.

-The supposed babyfaces double-team Rusev, then Woods talks shit after getting squashed in 30 seconds and needing his friend to save him.

-Cena grants three more wishes. It would be awesome if this was being aired to advance a heel turn, but that isn't happening.

-Rene interviews RVD. RVD wants to win his lucky #7 IC title, and that Barrett is going to get some bad news tonight. Zeb Coulter proposes an alliance since they both hate Heyman. RVD turns it down.

-Zeb & Coulter have their own pow-wow.

-Match 6: Los Matadores (w/El Torito) VS Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre (w/Jinder Mahal & Hornswoggle)

-Again no entrances, but the announcement of WEE-LC for the Extreme Rules pre-show is great. Diego actually gets the crowd to react via a couple athletic moves. Hornswoggle wants Torito, who gores Mahal when he tries to keep them apart. Slater catches Diego with an Impaler DDT and SLATER WINS! SLATER WINS! SLATER WINS!

No Rating This wasn't even really a match, just a setup for WEE-LC. However, SLATER WINS! SLATER WINS! SLATER WINS!

-Los Matadores avoid a dive from Hornswoggle, much to the amusement of the announce team.

-Stephanie's apology is next.

-Sheamus gets to do another job, this time to Bray, on Main Event.

-Stephanie comes out to make her apology. She calls out Bryan, who comes out with Bree and a neck brace. Bryan says he almost believed her when she cried for Kane to stop, but he can't, because she's full of crap. Steph goes over their history, and says emotions ran high, and Bryan counters by asking about what his wife must have felt during all of HHH's attacks. Stephanie responds that she only meant to give Kane a backbone and give Bryan a credible opponent (so why did she pick Kane?) for Extreme Rules, and that she can sympathize with Bree, having ridden in too many ambulances and slept in too many hospital rooms with HHH. Bryan says she's still full of crap, so Stephanie invites Bryan to the ring to look her in the eyes, but Bryan smells a trap (an intelligent babyface?). Bryan says his head hurts and he can't move his neck, but he won't give in, and if Kane does take Bryan down, Bryan will take Kane down with him. Stephanie says she doesn't know where Kane is, but while Bryan can't wrestle tonight, Bree can, and will, for the Diva's title. Bryan won't let Bree go to ringside alone, and Steph says that's cool. Well so much for Bryan being a smart babyface, but at least he has a reason to fall into an obvious trap.

-Of course, Kane's mask is now gone, for the two of you who were watching and didn't know what was coming up next.

-Match 7 for the Divas Championship: Paige [c] VS Brie Bella (w/Daniel Bryan)

-Paige gets jobber intro'd, continuing that streak for tonight. Brie gets a couple takedowns and a dropkick for two. Paige fires back with a kick to the stomach and a hair toss, followed by a mudhole stomping. Paige adds a snap suplex for one, then some knees in the ropes. Brie catches Paige coming through the ropes with a kick to the head, followed by a running knee to the face. Brie tries to go into BRIE MODE, but gets caught and superplexed. Paige is obviously a face, since she hit the move. Kane's pyro hits, and he emerges through the ring to grab Brie, so it's a no-contest.

NO RATING This was just hear to set up the following angle, but at least they didn't try to act like it was supposed to be a surprise.

-Bryan grabs a wrench and clocks Kane in the face, but ends up taking a chokeslam, and Brie ends up having to save herself, which she does.Well, you had to know it was only a matter of time before Brie became Bryan's damsel-in-distress, but I do question the logic of having her save herself after he got taken out.

-MOMENTS AGO: Kane tried to kidnap Brie.

-Bryan gets looked at by the doctor. Steph enters, concerned that Bryan will not be able to wrestle at Extreme Rules. Bryan says he will be there, and Steph will regret bringing his wife into this. Brie yells "GET OUT YOU BITCH", which wakes the crowd up.

-EARLIER TONIGHT: By far the best part of the show was the first 15 minutes.

-Cena is ready to talk, and he tries to convince himself that the WWE Universe hasn't turned their back on him. Cena jokes about buying Wyatt a donkey to name Glutious and bring to the ring with him. I like the running character thread that Cena makes bad jokes when he's really nervous about a match.

-Bad News Barrett has some bad news for RVD: the last time RVD was relevant, Barrett was in diapers back in England. He then messes up a line (or the line is poorly written, which wouldn't surprise me), saying RVD will be "back in" diapers and sipping his meals through a straw courtesy of B...N...B.

-Match 8-Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender's Tournament Final: Bad News Barrett VS RVD

-They start out slow. "Big E might as well prepare for both guys, because after tonight he'll know". Shush it, Lawler. Barrett knocks RVD outside via a back elbow to the face, then whips him into the barricade. Barrett rams RVD into the announce table, then stops to ask for approval from JBL, before rolling RVD inside and getting a two count. RVD comes back with kicks and a rollup for two, but Barrett blocks a headscissors, lifts RVD in the air, and hits a kick to the midsection on the way down, drawing some "OOOOOHHH"s from the crowd as we go to break.

Back from break, RVD escapes a chinlock, but walks into the Winds of Change for two. Barrett gingerly drops an elbow off the top for two, before choking RVD in the corner and hitting a hangman's neckbreaker for two. Barrett hits the chinlock then changes up to a surfboard. RVD gets out, and counters a kitchen sink with a rollup for two. RVD hits a kick to the face and goes for Rolling Thunder, but Barrett avoids it. RVD kicks Barrett down again. Cesaro comes out, then Swagger goes after him, so Cesaro sends Swagger into the barricade. RVD avoids the Bull Hammer and hits Rolling Thunder, but Cesaro causes another distraction, allowing Barrett time to lift his knees to counter the Five Star Frog Splash, then finish with the Bull Hammer.

** Barrett couldn't quite overcome the black hole of suck that RVD has become.

-Cesaro goes after RVD, then Swagger attacks Cesaro, hitting him with a gutwrench powerbomb. RVD kicks Swagger out of the ring, then hits a frog splash on Cesaro. Heyman is NOT happy. There's another match for the special event.

-FROM SMACKDOWN: The Shield run through 11 guys.

-The Shield don't think Evolution are "all that and a bag of chips".

-BREAKING NEWS: Dean Ambrose will have to defend the U.S. title against ADR & Rybaxel on Smackdown.

-Match 9: Randy Orton (w/Triple H & Batista) VS Roman Reigns (w/Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins)

-Orton gets a small hometown pop. HHH is impressed with what The Shield did on Smackdown, but Evolution will still kick their asses at Extreme Rules. Ric Flair comes out...and endorses The Shield. Please don't let him be in your corner on Sunday guys. Orton gets the early jump and sends Reigns outside. Orton tries a suplex on the floor, but Reigns blocks, and reverses the move. Reigns hits a headbutt, but Orton somehow survives that, and reverses a whip to send Reigns into the steps. Orton dares Rollins or Ambrose to attack him, but they don't, and HHH walks over in case they do. Back in Orton hits the chinlock, but Reigns fights out. After an awkward moment, Orton clotheslines Reigns out over the top. Orton pulls Reigns back in and tries for the draping DDT, but Reigns avoids it. 

Reigns makes a comeback and FIRES UP, looking pretty goofy as he does so. He hits the floor-to-apron kick, then calls for the Superman Punch. Batista distracts the ref and HHH does the same to Reigns, allowing Orton to hit the Orton Backbreaker, and causing Rollins & Ambrose to attack HHH & Batista. HHH & Batista quickly turn the tide on Rollins & Ambrose. Back to the match, as Reigns hits the Superman Punch, but stops to join the fight on the floor, and it's a no-contest.

* Nothing special while it lasted. Taking a lot of offense then making a short comeback is not the formula Reigns needs to be working in.

-Evolution destroy The Shield, which completely goes against the storyline so far. Things go back in the ring, and the massacre continues, until HHH goes to Pedigree Ambrose, and Rollins breaks that up with a flying knee. The Shield take care of Orton & Batista, and Reigns spears HHH. The Shield set up for the triple powerbomb, but Orton & Batista grab chairs and try to save, forcing The Shield to abandon that plan to take care of them, and give HHH time to escape. The Shield stand tall to close the show.

-FINAL THOUGHTS: The opening half hour or so was great...then it all went to hell. Some really bass-ackwards booking on this show combined with completely inconsequential in-ring action makes for a pretty bad show. The only thing missing was a two minute match featuring Santino/Emma and Fandango/Layla.

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